


and i don't know what to do, 'cause i'll never be with you

by oui_oui_mon_ami



Series: one hundred ways [3]
Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: 100 ways to say i love you, F/M, Insecurity, Pining, Post-Canon, So here we are, This is sad folks, Unrequited Love, if you haven't noticed already i like to project my issues onto characters, nathaniel still has a lot to learn about friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 19:06:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18644242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oui_oui_mon_ami/pseuds/oui_oui_mon_ami
Summary: Nathaniel is still learning how to be a good friend, but he tries his best. And sometimes he ends up helping.Inspired by sunflowers-and-bucky's tumblr post "100 ways to say 'I love you' without actually saying 'I love you'"





	and i don't know what to do, 'cause i'll never be with you

Nathaniel walks into the lobby to find Rebecca with her head in her hands on the counter of her pretzel shop. Which isn’t unusual, or it wasn’t before that whole Valentine’s Day heartbreak fiasco last year. Since then there have been a lot less incidents involving Rebecca and her feelings (that he knows of, since being in a different country and all restricts his knowledge of Rebecca’s whereabouts somewhat). He hasn’t crossed paths with Rebecca in the couple of days he’s been back, and he’d be lying if he was coming to Mountaintop just to visit Darryl and Bert.

He’s immediately drawn to her – damn feelings! – and approaches her slowly so he doesn’t surprise her. “Rebecca?”

Rebecca jumps up. There goes the whole ‘not surprising her’ plan. “Nathaniel? Darryl told me you were back this week. How’s Guatemala?”

“ _Muy bien_. How are you doing?” He tries to be casual, like he’s not interested in why Rebecca looked like she was having a small crisis a moment ago.

Rebecca sighs. “I guess you didn’t catch me at a great time,” she says, “but it’s nothing to worry about. I’m doing great.”

“Are you sure?” Nathaniel asks, frowning.

Rebecca hesitates, like she’s debating whether to tell Nathaniel about what’s really going on. He hopes she does. He hopes that she trusts him enough to share her feelings with him. Even as friends. “I don’t know if it’s something we should be talking about,” she says eventually, gesturing between them in a way that very clearly says _you’re the problem here_.

“Oh.” He tries not to sound too disappointed, despite feeling like his heart had been stomped on again. After all this time and things are still weird between them? “It does seem like you need to talk to someone about it, though, and I’m the only one around, so…?” He shrugs.

Rebecca sighs again and takes two pretzels to a table. Nathaniel’s about to mention that he’s still cutting out sugar before realising that now probably isn’t the best time, so he takes a small bite when they sit down. “It’s just my mom,” Rebecca starts.

“Ah, parental issues,” Nathaniel says, nodding sagely. “I know that parents can be hard. I remember the first time-”

Rebecca holds a hand up to quiet him. “Little tip I learned from Paula: don’t bring your issues into a conversation about someone else’s. It doesn’t help and it just makes you appear self-absorbed.”

“Okay, sorry,” Nathaniel replies. “Continue.”

“My mom left me a message this morning saying she’s coming to visit next week, she wants to patch things up between us.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?”

“It’s just that, I love my mom, yes, in a way that everyone has to love their moms. But spending time with her is just so exhausting. Everything she says is like a subtle dig at me, or a not-so-subtle one sometimes. She’s constantly suggesting that I need to lose weight, or cut my hair, or wear different colours. It’s like I constantly disappoint her.”

Nathaniel stops himself from saying _I know how that feels_ because that would not be helpful. “That sucks,” he says simply, causing Rebecca to smile at the slang. “I know it’s tough, but you really should ignore your mother’s criticisms. **You’re beautiful**. You’re smart. You’ve grown so much recently.” He wants to say more. He wants to pour his heart out to this woman, but that has always gotten him nothing but pain in return. “Let me ask you something: are you proud of yourself?”

Rebecca thinks for a second. “Yes,” she replies. “Yes I am.”

“Then that’s all that should matter. The only person you need to prove things to is yourself.”

Rebecca smiles at him again, warmly, like she did when they were dancing that time at the masquerade. It’s then that Nathaniel realises he’s still in love with her. He’ll probably always be in love with her.

“Did you think about this when you quit working for your dad?” Rebecca asks. Nathaniel frowns. “ _Now_ you’re allowed to talk about yourself,” she adds.

“I guess. I just thought about what I told you on Valentine’s Day, about how everyone deserves to be happy, and I realised that I wasn’t happy. So I decided to follow my own advice, no matter how disappointed my dad would be in me.” Nathaniel notices that he’s finished off the pretzel. “I’m supposed to be meeting Darryl and Bert upstairs,” he says, checking his watch. “Are you going to be okay?”

Rebecca nods, still smiling. “I think so. Thanks, Nathaniel.”

“Not at all.”

He waits until the elevator doors close before letting out a deep, slow breath. Maybe he’ll never be with Rebecca again in the way he wants, but damn it if he’s not going to be with her in the way she needs. As a friend.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: sunshine-soprano


End file.
